Inaugural post

I have been involved in online fat acceptance circles (at least lurking) since the days of since the early ’90s, and yet have never thrown my own hat into the ring until now.  I am going through some serious upheaval in my personal life – cross-country relocation, marital uncertainty, career changes – and all this tumult has got me wanting to act in a more authentic, integrated way.  So claiming a voice of authority on my own experience of fat is one way to do this.

The name of this blog has two meanings.  One, I really AM the embodiment of fat: I weigh 270 pounds, I have thick thighs, a round stomach, saggy upper arms.  I look like a before picture in a diet ad.  My body is prototypically fat.

Secondly, I lived too long thinking that my fat was somehow separate from my body.  That somehow my body was separate from my brain.  I was raised in a family that believed just that, that thought that criticizing my body was not criticizing me.   My adult life has been a struggle to overcome that abuse.  My parents might not have meant it as abuse, but intent doesn’t erase impact, and a big goal of starting this blog is to name that abuse without hesitation.

So, this is just to get started.  Now to get moving!



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3 responses to “Inaugural post

  1. coolhandjennie

    Rock on girl! =) Just saying the words is a HUGE step. Isn’t it ridiculous how difficult it is to admit we’re fat? Like it’s a shameful secret, even though it’s all right out there for the world to see.

    I really identify with that whole intellectual dissociation between mind, body, and fat. My mom has always said I live from the neck up, and it’s so true. It’s like my body is some other part of me, foreign & mysterious. It seems like thinking of it as “my fat” – something I do, too – is part of that disconnected thinking.

    I’ve actually never done much by way of fat acceptance support groups, other than a brief stint in OA a few years back, so it’s really great to finally have a fellow sister-in-arms (flabby or not ;).

    Keep blogging!!!!

  2. I have to say, I tried OA once or twice, and it totally depressed me – the people in the groups I went to seemed to hate themselves so much, and the idea of treating certain foods like alcohol – never to be touched again – totally was the wrong approach for me to deal with my relationship with food. I wanted a healthier relationship with eating, not castigating myself until I was thin!

    And it’s funny – when I wrote that paragraph describing myself, it was SO hard to not apologize for using neutral descriptions of what I look like, because they’re so loaded in people’s minds. That’s pretty much what brought me to blogging – be one more voice to counteract the mainstream.

    Thanks for the encouragement – I’m going to keep it up!

  3. coolhandjennie

    I know what you mean about the whole “abstinence” philosophy. I feel like that just gives food so much power over you, and that’s what I’m trying to get away from! I work really hard not to think of food in judgmental terms like “good” or “bad”. If something’s unhealthy, fine, but to relegate all of junk food as “bad” just sets me up to feel like a failure when I inevitably eat some.

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